another entry from the Caldos Encyclopedia
Several hundred years ago, in the
city of Kabrinnia
in northern Letarra, there lived a great bard named Oskadian. Talented in many
areas, he was especially well-known as a teller of humorous stories and jokes.
Clever and hilarious though he was, he was extremely miserable himself; his
beloved family had died over the course of just a few years, and he was
heartbroken. Though a master jokester capable of making anyone else laugh, he
could never laugh himself. For a long time he worked on finding the essence of
humor; he set out to find a single joke that could brighten his day. He made sacrifices to the gods, researched
ancient lore, and then one night it came to him: The funniest joke ever.
Giggling
uncontrollably and gasping for air, he staggered down from his room in the
small palace of his princely patron. Many awoke from the commotion, and
gathered around. Oskadian motioned for the prince to start writing as, between
painful guffaws, he dictated the joke:
One cold night a tavern keeper looks up to see three dwarves walk in
his front door, each carrying a chicken. The first dwarf takes off his cloak,
sets down his hen, and orders the finest dwarven stout in the house. Once
served, he sits back and lets the chicken drink all the stout.
The second dwarf orders cheese, warm bread, and elven wine for his
chicken. Surprised, the tavern keeper watches as the second dwarf’s bird
consumes all that was ordered.
The third dwarf steps up to the tavern keeper and orders two bottles of
ale and a slice of pie. The bartender says, “Look, the ale I sell here is the
best in the kingdom, and the pies, which my wife made, are fit for royalty. I
don’t want to sell my fine victuals and se them eaten by some dumb chicken.
Maybe you and your friends had better get out of here.”
The dwarf just gives him a sad look and replies…
Another
servant who arrived too late to hear it found this joke written out, in the
prince’s handwriting. Fortunately for this servant, the punch line was not
written down; everyone who was at the scene, including Oskadian, had died
writhing in laughter, looks of horrified merriment frozen on their faces. All
told, sixteen members of the household died—no one who heard the joke is
believed to have survived. Or at least not for long…
For it is
rumored that a chambermaid crawled, laughing, over to an acquaintance’s house
and was able to repeat the punchline, without the main body of the joke, before
she dropped dead. The local sheriff arrived on the scene, and pieced together
what had happened—but a little too late. A roving bard had paid someone for the
punchline, and carried it off in written form, not yet knowing the rest of the
joke. When the man who had sold it to him heard the joke leading up to the
final line, he, too, died.
Oskadian’s
last jest is somewhat famous, though no known living person knows the final
line. According to legend, it is out there somewhere, occasionally being
discovered—and instantly slaying those who discover it.
